Angelica's Story

Imagine, if you will, you're 14 years old. It's been a long day at school, with some of the usual frustrations. You step onto the bus, wishing you were already home. But then you stop, you feel strange, dizzy, then you collapse, slipping out of consciousness.

Around you everyone watches horrified as your body convulses on the floor. The bus driver tells everyone to get to the back of the bus, even your friends than want to help.

When you regain consciousness, you're exhausted and confused. But it's a long ride home still, and as you sit there alone with murmuring voices behind you, the wave of humiliation washes over you.

Though you don't remember, you know what happened. Everyone knows your secret now, which only compounds the pressure of knowing just how different you really are. As time goes on, and the resiliency of your youth dissipates, that pressure, begins to crush you.

I would like to give you a basic understanding of epilepsy, address how it effects the quality of life of those who have it and offer a way that we all can help.

But first, I'd like to introduce you all to my sister Angelica. This is the story of her struggle with epilepsy and her message...

When Angelica was 9, she was diagnosed with epilepsy. This is a neurological disorder where clusters of nerve cells signal abnormally causing strange sensations, emotions and behaviors. This also causes seizures of varying degrees of intensity and altered levels of consciousness.

During a seizure, neurons may fire up to 500 times a second and last 1-3 minutes. Compared to only firing 40 times a second normally, as stated by the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. That seems to me to be quite a struggle to stay alive!

At first, Angelica had been having petite mal seizures that went misunderstood by family and teachers for many years. They were so subtle, it just looked like she was trying to figure out what to say next when she would stop mid-sentence, her eyelids would flutter, then she would resume talking. But these were seizures!

Then when she was 11, she began having grand mal seizures where she would collapse, her whole body would convulse and she would stop breathing.

How many people go through this and can understand the fear and anxiety of living with a disorder that can strike at any moment and at the very least humiliate you and at the worst, kill you?

Again, according to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, approximately 2.3 million Americans live with epilepsy. Of that, 45,000 of them happen to be children under the age of 15!

As discussed in an article by Irene Elliot, RN and colleagues at Epilepsy.com, though so many people live with this disorder, there still remains insensitivity from the general population.

This insensitivity, restrictions on activities, combined with the physiological and psychological effects of epilepsy and side effects of medication, can have devastating effects on the quality of life of those living with this disorder.

Of particular concern to me are children facing these challenges.

We all know that adolescence is hard enough as it is. Take into consideration then being faced with your own mortality without the life experience or maturity to effectively cope. Compounded by being teased by your peers and pressured to maintain academic standards by parents and teachers who don't realize that this disorder causes leaning problems, emotional and behavioral issues and difficulties with social engagement!

It's no wonder mood disorders like depression have been identified in 34.6% of children with epilepsy. Compared to 6.6% among the general population and 11.6% among children with other chronic illnesses.

Exerps from a teen forum at Epilepsy.com, sadly express what this is like. It's important to keep in mind that these are statements from Children.

"Sometimes I feel like if nothing is going to cure this epilepsy problem and I'll have to live with it the rest of my life, what's the point of living? I might as well stop taking my meds and get life over with." Username Sophie6.

Mel Ha writes, " I'm just not stable and I don't find it fair to be around people I love and make them watch this. I am alone and miserable. It just seems too much to bare right now."

Coolcat posts, "Lately, all I want to do is cry. It's getting too hard for me. I'm so sick of this. I'm about to give-up."

These children struggle with every aspect of the human experience while their lives hang by a thread before their very eyes.

Insensitivity from those who should offer comfort, reinforces a negative self-image and drives them into isolation.

Angelica understood this. That's why she created a school club for those that feel the sting of social rejection and ridicule. Though she received no recognition from her school for taking an active stance with this issue, she courageously reached-out beyond her own pain to ease the pain of others.

Of all the complications of epilepsy, depression has the greatest impact. It's also the one complication that is often avoidable and has the greatest chance for successful treatment and restoration of quality of life.

Even ordinary people can help treat depression in those who suffer it for whatever reason.

The medicine we can offer is called CONNECTION.

Connection is established through eye contact and maintained through nurturing dialogue.

The compounds of Connection are derived from within our own souls and we find it when we wake-up from our self-absorbed slumber.

Unfortunately, no one in Angelica's life woke-up soon enough. On November 7th, 2007 at the age of 15, her soul had suffered enough and she passed-away in her sleep. I fear her dreams were less than peaceful.

Angelica wanted to be a teacher. I believe alot can be learned from her profound soul as well as from her heroic experience.

Above all else, there remains a tremendous need for MORE SENSITIVITY toward each other and MORE CONNECTION in our daily lives NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Perhaps many other diseases are merely complications of the disease of DISCONNECTION and we have more power to influence outcomes than previously thought.

Thank you for opening your minds to Angelica's lesson.

Thank YOU Angelica for humbling us all with your message.

I'm sorry I didn't wake-up sooner.

What's your story?

So, there I was... my husband and I had just watched a documentary called Religulous by Bill Maher. It was a very good documentary and though my husband and I have discussed religion and spirituality many times, it inspired a good debate!

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a nasty case of misunderstanding appeared! Our faces contorted with irritation and defensiveness as the pissed-off silence put an end to our lively debate.

No longer was the topic relevant, but rather, as eyes squinted and lips pursed, and oddly, somewhere in the background the old western showdown theme song could be heard faintly, our egos stood back to back, poised to take 20 paces and draw our Motives loaded with Perspectives and Interpretations!

It was mighty eerie...

Realizing that it was an innocent misunderstanding that caused the whole mess, I lay down my weapons and offered Understanding, Acceptance and Reassurance to bandage my husbands pride.

Being able to create Peaceful Resolution released my mind from festering on the conflict. Which made it possible for me to learn alot from the experience.



1. Humans learn best from and are more motivated by stories. This isn't a new discovery! This is actually quite ancient knowledge! Look at how influential the Bible is! And how every great speech will have a story in it to give the main message relevance to the audience. Sharing stories is how we connect and better understand each other.



2. A bitter-sweet part of this process are the influence of the Perspectives, Interpretations and Motives of the speaker and the listener! With everyone looking at the world through their own shade of reality, things can get pretty blurry! Which is why we find ourselves engaging in so much conflict among humanity.



What can help clear things up a bit?

1. Slow Down! Take the time to engage in a dialogue in your own head where you ask yourself what your motives are and what can you do to contribute to a positive outcome.
This doesn't mean you have to forfeit your opinions to appease others... in fact, I hope no one does that! It simply means, if you find yourself engaged in a conflict, ask yourself if you're arguing to win or to simply exchange ideas. Arguing to win gets brutal and can go on and on! Arguing to exchange or defend your ideas is more of an offering of information, then let it go. People can take it or leave it and they are responsible for their interpretation! If they need further information they can ask! Communication shouldn't be like a hockey game folks!

2. Step outside your ego once in a while and try to see things from someone else's perspective. Though the chances of you seeing things the same as someone else are not very good, at least you can get a feel for their point of view. You might even find different views to be a refreshing change of scenery!

Even though these suggestions are simple, it's difficult to disengage from deeply ingrained patterns of behavior. Let's face it, we're Human and that means we're not perfect! We are still in the adolescence of our social development. Our voices are still cracking, social pores still clogging and occasionally spewing pus, our brains are still dealing with evolution as we adjust to environmental conditions and fill our bodies with chemicals and rewire ourselves neurologically based on the dominant technologies! So let's have more compassion for ourselves and each other as we change! It's ok to make mistakes along the way, in fact that's another way we learn!

So as you go about your day, remember, you're telling the world Your Story and writing it in the memories of those you interact with. It's a good idea to think about how you want to tell Your Story and how you want it to be remembered!

Education Reflection

Here in California, Education is in real trouble!
According to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle, the high school drop-out rate is much higher than previously thought. In 2007 nearly 130,000 students dropped-out of California schools! That means about 25% of our kids are dropping-out!
This astronomical figure is concentrated largely in Southern California, where over-crowding, poverty, drugs and violence are out of control. There's no room for learning in a situation like that!
What's ironic and tragic is that the ethnic group with the highest drop-out rate is Hispanic... in a state that invests alot of money in Spanish Immersion. So, the kids being failed by the system are the ones that already know how to speak Spanish!
I'm sure that the funds used for Spanish Immersion could be of greater benefit to students if it was used to fund a tutoring program. What kids need is more support from adults with more patience.
And WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING ALLOWING EDUCATION FUNDING TO BE CUT, HACKED, CHOPPED AND MINCED? This is one of those things we need some serious uprising over!
I've read many books about education, communication and neurological development. (A Mind at a Time- Dr. Mel Levine, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World- Stephen Glen and Jane Nelson, Teacher Effectiveness Training - Dr. Thomas Gordon...)
From what I gather, what kids need most from parents and teachers is for us to Listen without Judgement, Let them develop a Love of Learning by not weighing them down with sooo much work and allowing them to Explore Their Interests instead of always being under constant direction... every movement commanded, demanded or imposed on by someone with authority.
You have the recipe for rebellion right there!
There are many things we as educators and parents can do to Lift Our Children UP from this hopeless situation. Another ironic thing is... We Need To Learn More To Help Our Children Learn!!!!
It's easy to want to give-up at this point. But...... we can't. And we have to keep our kids from giving-up before they've even begun.
How? Well, we've been trying to change our kids for along time now with directing, commanding, guilting, shaming, praising, relating, preaching, lecturing, threatening, advising, and so on... maybe we should look more closely at OUR behavior and communication.
We send many messages to our kids that can be destructive even if it's unintentional. Kids believe what we tell them so be gentle please.
As the authorities, we need to stop fumbling all over politics and avoiding our responsibilities... we spend more money spinning our wheels than it would take to effectively prepare our kids.
Infact, To Teach Responsibility... Act Responsibly. To Teach Respect... Act Respectfully. To Teach Conflict Resolution... Resolve Some Conflicts. To Teach Gratitude... Be Grateful. To Teach Perseverance... Persevere...

Depression, Perception,Connection Reflection

"One of the greatest needs at the core of the human experience, is a dual need...
1. To find meaning in life, and
2. To perceive and experience personal significance." - Stephen Glen and Jane Nelson in their book Raising Self-Reliant Children, In A Self-Indulgent World.

Today, more and more people are making appointments with Dr.'s of medicine, psychiatry and psychology.
A common theme among many is a need for relief from depression, anxiety or stress.
Anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication is typically prescribed, in combination with on-going evaluation and behavior modification strategies.
Before we can ask if this is really helping, we should first ask, "what the hell is going on to cause this epidemic of emotional, psychological and behavioral instability?"
Watching the documentary The Century of the Self will give many answers to this question. It is limited however, to identifying environmental influences that have set into motion patterns of thought and behavior.
Dr. Amen explains in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, that in addition to environmental influences, there's the matter of genetics ,chemistry and brain trauma.
Sometimes someone is born with a physical or neurological brain abnormality that requires long-term medication or surgical intervention. Often these abnormalities are passed onto children and are beyond anyone's control.
Chemistry, however, is more subject to fluctuation. I firmly believe that environmental influences and chemistry are interconnected.
On a personal note, I've been depressed since I was a kid. I also witnessed many of my family members live with this often debilitating condition.
A few years ago I went through a drastic transformation environmentally and behaviorally. Eventually this recalibrated my chemistry as well!
My life was ultimately transformed by an empowering concept.
I decided that I no longer would be the product of my environment, but that my environment would be the product of me.
This put me in touch with ownership of the quality of my life. This also motivated me to embrace my personal responsibility to evolve. I say, leave stagnation to the ponds!!
I willfully cultivated a more positive, wholesome perspective. One that was not based on a self-serving mentality, but rather a desire to nurture others.
Where once I lived as an emotionally disengaged, helpless observer... I then shaped myself into a positive participant seeking connection in my interactions.
That positive perspective filled me with a sense of worth! I now have something positive to contribute!
Instilling coping skills like adaptability, forgiveness, understanding of humanness, patience, a thirst for knowledge, a perspective of equality and respect for life, as well as taking responsibility for outcomes influenced by my behavior, liberated me from a counterproductive cycle.
Sure, it's easier to blame others for disappointing outcomes, and others need to take responsibility for their part too. But once you've arrived at a negative experience, who are you going to let decide how you're going to be affected or what you're going to do about it?

So, we've asked the question, "why so much emotional turmoil these days?" And we've examined 3 factors that influence our emotional health. Now let's explore 2 more key elements that affect our quality of life... perception and connection.
"Critical brain chemicals that regulate mood, motivation, concentration, feelings, resistance to illness and depression are highly influenced by perceptions of personal significance." - Stephen Glen and Jane Nelson.
Though we should strive to perceive our own self-worth, we are greatly impacted by how others perceive us.
In childhood our self-image is dominated by the perceptions of our parents, peers, siblings and teachers. We believe that what they say about us is true.
If a child is told that they never listen, then they will think that's true because there's something wrong with them, therefore, excusing them from trying to listen.
Or, if a child is constantly given generic praise and told, "great job," no matter how little effort they invested, then they will likely develop a belief that they're so great and they don't even have to try, which leads to my least favorite character trait- arrogance.
If we don't develop the skill of observing our own effort, behavior and effect on others then we won't have anything substantial to base our understanding of our capabilities on. If we have no inner dialogue then we will continue to allow our self-image to be shaped by the perceptions of others.
Really, there's only 2 kinds of perception... positive and negative. All we have to do is choose which of those is our foundation! Ofcourse, seeing things as all positive is unrealistic and I'm not suggesting that as a strategy. You can recognize negative things and have a healthy level of critical thinking while choosing to remedy problems in a constructive way. Moderation is a virtue!
We've become a society of passive processors that don't question content or motivation.
This detached way of life is at the core of dehumanization. Ignorance is not bliss... it's ignorance and prolonged ignorance can lead to alot of suffering.
Then there's connection. If we routinely encounter negative perceptions, then we will routinely encounter disconnections.
Connection is established through eye contact and nourished through supportive, respectful dialogue. Especially the part of dialogue that involves listening!
These experiences of connection and recognition of significance are as vital to our survival as clean air, water, food and sunshine!
Without connection, we disengage. When we disengage we perceive ourselves as incapable or unworthy of interaction. When we perceive ourselves in a negative way we feel bad and our chemistry is altered. If our chemistry is altered for prolonged periods of time than our children inherit that imbalance and begin at a disadvantage. And if the environment doesn't improve then the cycle of dehumanization continues.
Today, we are faced with impending doom environmentally, economically and socially. There may come a time when anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication aren't readily available to save us from life's hardships.
Are we so willing to allow humanity to unravel itself?
If not then I implore you to do your part! Set a better example! Dream a better dream! Share the responsibility to evolve and take humanity in a new direction! Learn to cope with Reality... which isn't always a pretty picture!
Humanity is capable of astonishing feats. The only thing that gets in our way is ourselves!
"If we think we can, we will. If we think we can't, we won't." - Stephen Glen and Jane Nelson.